06 1 / 2013
Well, as hard as it is to believe, another year has come and gone. Just like that. Time really does seem to fly at times.
Overall, 2012 was pretty good to me. I laughed a lot, cried a little, and loved even more than I thought I could. There are a few dates that really stick out in my mind, for various reasons.
February 18, 2012, the day my beautiful niece was brought into this world. Lylah Avery Green is the most perfect baby in the world and I am looking forward to being the greatest Aunt and watching her grow up! I love that girl, and she has me wrapped around her little finger already!
March 23, 2012, I became engaged to one of the greatest people I know. He is caring, compassionate, funny, sweet, and a million other things. He treats me very well, too — not in the ‘buy-me-everything-I-want sense’ — but in simple ways. He rubs my back after a long day and listens to me vent about really ridiculous things that probably don’t matter as much as I think they do. He is considerate and always asks if I need anything or if there is anything he can do for me. He laughs at my extremely lame jokes, and puts up with me when I have extra long giggle fits or when I am in a terrible mood and being a little mean. I really just could not be any happier than I am now. I love him so much, and am SO excited to be marrying him!
May 2012, I watched my fiance commission as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S Army. I could not be more proud of his accomplishments thus far, and I know there are many more to come in the years ahead!
*Caution: It’s about to get real serious in this post for a hot minute.*
August 24, 2012. It was a Friday. I was at work when I got the unexpected call. Sitting there, at my desk, on the office phone. Staring straight down at nothing. And I heard the words I will never forget, spoken between sobs: “Hey. Um. Norwood died.” Silence. I couldn’t believe it. Jessica Lynn Norwood, one of my best friends, had passed away. She was 23 years old. Jess was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia back in July. It had only been six weeks. SIX WEEKS. Nobody ever believed that this is how her battle would end. We all firmly believed that she would come out on top. Shock. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. All these emotions all tied up in one. The feelings I felt over the next few days were nothing like I had ever experienced before. This was my first real experience with someone close to me dying. When I was really young, my great-grandmother died, but I don’t really remember it. A few years later, my grandmother died. But I was young for those experiences. This one, Jess being gone, this was my first actual experience that I was vividly a part of. I felt… numb. I didn’t cry at her funeral. Everybody around me was so sad and crying. I felt like I had to be strong for them, that I could be the one to lean on if they needed it. I didn’t cry at her gravesite, before they lowered her into the ground. I guess it hadn’t really hit me yet. It wasn’t until a beautiful day in late September that I cried. I went to visit her. I sat down right next to her grave marker, and started telling her all about my wedding plans. And it hit me. There, right in the middle of the cemetery, I cried. I realized in that moment, that she would not be standing up there with me the day I get married. That she was actually gone, and I would never see her face again or hear her laugh or tell one of her crazy stories. Yeah, it took time. But it finally hit me. Friday, August 24th. This was the most notable day in my life in the year 2012.
It is safe to say that 2012 was a year of emotions. Happy, sad, angry, and about a billion more. But it was a good year. Every year that I get to be alive is a good year. If there’s one thing that 2012 taught me, it is to be grateful and thankful that I get to wake up each day. Simple as that. Yeah, it is great to be aware of the things I have and the shelter and food that is made available to me so easily. But what I am most grateful for, is my heartbeat. As long as I get to lay my head down at night and greet the morning when it comes, I’d say I have a pretty damn good life.
Another year, another lesson.
I cannot wait to see what 2013 has in store for me and the ones I love. This year, I get to marry my best friend (YAY!!), excel in my career, and watch a beautiful girl (who also happens to be my best frannn!) say “I do!” to a really good man. And those are just a few of the things I have to look forward to. So, 2013, let’s get this party started!
20 8 / 2012
20 8 / 2012
"Where there is love there is life."
31 7 / 2012
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
31 7 / 2012
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."
09 7 / 2012
As the days go by, it gets harder for me to write. It used to come so easy to me. I think because I had more simple thoughts and less things on my mind. These days, I find myself lost in complex thoughts about where I am in my life, where I want to be, and how to get there. It’s the verbalization of these thoughts that is hard. My mind is racing a mile minute to try and process my surroundings and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to put these thoughts in words on paper.
A CAREER. My biggest thought/worry/hurdle. Finding a career is consuming my thoughts and the idea plants itself in my brain and as much as I try, I cannot get it out. I cannot seem to find the optimism in my non-existent career life. I am constantly bombarded with people saying “don’t worry, it will happen.” or “it takes time. The right job will come along.” The reality is, I know it will happen someday. But as time passes, it gets harder and harder to actually believe that it will. My positive thoughts are shrinking, and only pessimistic feelings are left. This upsets me, because I am not a pessimistic person. I try to find the positive in most anything. But I am exhausted. I am so exhausted. My body literally feels tired from the constant job searching, networking, interviews, rejection letters. But the thing that is most frustrating, is not knowing why. Rejection letter after rejection letter fills my inbox, but never a reason why I was rejected. Never any constructive criticism as to how I can improve my interview skills, resume or cover letter writing. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I just wish I could have some reason as to why I am not chosen for these positions. Then maybe I could better process this whole situation.
I seriously am beginning to think that this is just never going happen for me. I really hope that I find otherwise. Soon. I’m extremely close to just saying “screw it” and hopping in my car and driving to the coast and never coming back. Beach life is an easier life.
If only it were that easy.
21 5 / 2012
"In retrospect, we regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did."
30 4 / 2012
Well, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote in this thing. And I have decided that I want to take full advantage of having this blog so that someday I can go back and relive certain memories. Here we go!
As most everyone I encounter on a daily basis (and lots others I do not, thanks to Facebook) already know, I am recently engaged. YAY! But what most people do not know, is how this happened. While some people like to keep that story private, I want to share it with anyone who cares to listen since I think it was perfect! Let me first state that I had a bucket list of things to do before I graduated college. On that list, I wanted to lay on the 50 yard line of the Georgia Southern University football stadium when nobody was there and just lay and look at the stars. I had been talking about this ever since Zachary and I started dating, but never did it before I graduated. I thought I never would…
It was Friday, March 23, 2012 and I was in Statesboro visiting Zachary for the weekend. Our anniversary was coming up so I figured we would go to a nice dinner to celebrate while I was there, so I brought a pretty dress to wear. As the time got closer to go to dinner, Zachary said to me that his ROTC buddy was up at the football stadium and the Eagle was doing a flyover to practice for graduation. He said that if I wanted, we could go up there and get our picture taken with the Eagle. I didn’t have a huge interest in going, but I knew he wanted to get his picture taken and it was his last chance since he was graduating, so I agreed to go. I put on my pretty dress since we were going to go to dinner to celebrate our anniversary right after.
On our way to the stadium, I noticed his hands shaking a little bit and thought to myself “that’s weird.” but didn’t really think anything else of it. We pulled into the stadium parking lot and I was just jabbering away, talking his ear off about who knows what, and we started walking into the stadium. The gate was unlocked and we were walking right onto the field. I started looking around for people because nobody was around, and he called “hello?!” and still nobody came. We were right about at the 50 yard line when I looked around the stadium and said “where are they? what’s going on?” As soon as the words were coming out of my mouth, I heard Zachary say “will you hold this?” and he was holding out his fist. He ALWAYS plays this game with me, where he asks me to hold something and it turns out to be his hand. He did it on our first date and it just stuck as a little inside joke thing between us. Well this time, I was like “oh haha sure” and put my hand under his fist, but there was something actually in his hand this time — a box. When I noticed this, my eyes got huge and I looked at him, now down on one knee, and immediately said “oh my gosh, what are you doing? No you’re not!” He opened the box and I saw the most beautiful ring (from ShaneCo. of course!) and the whole world went in slow motion. He told me how much he loved me and a few other things before asking me to be his wife. I was so happily shocked and surprised that I almost forgot to give him an answer! But, obviously, I said YES!
I was so insanely surprised that he proposed. But so insanely happy, too!! One of the best things about this proposal is that he had one of our friends hiding out taking photographs of the entire proposal. It was wonderful! Now I have that memory in print forever! I love how he had every little thing planned out for this proposal, and I could tell that he was extremely happy it went well! He even talked with the grounds crew at the stadium so it would be unlocked! The boy did not miss one thing! :-)
This was a really long post, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t leave out any details. I am so incredibly excited to be engaged to Zachary. I cannot wait to be with him for the rest of my life!
And not to mention, I can now cross that 50 yard line moment of my college bucket list. Better late than never! :-)
Love is a beautiful thing.
13 3 / 2012
I remember, not long ago, looking up from my blank stare and across from a freshly made fire pit filled with orange flames and crackling wood and seeing a guy sitting on a cooler full of adult beverages wearing his button-down longsleeved Polo shirt. I had known this guy before, even talked to him multiple times before, but this time it was different. His hat, his discolored white Polo hat, that was usually worn backwards, was worn with the bill in front. And he was just sitting there, across from me, staring at the flames in front of him. And I realized, that at least for a second, he and I had been doing the exact same thing. And that at that particular moment in time, we both did not belong nor want to be where we were. I’m pretty sure that in that moment, it was the first time I consciously acknowledged the fact that I liked this guy more than I ever intended to.
I’m not sure if it was the fire, or the country music playing in the background, but my mind was finally clear. For the first time in a long time, I was thinking with a clear mind, and listening to my heart rather than my mind. Because that night, I saw the real person underneath the wild facade I had previously met. He wasn’t just some other crazy college guy who was just looking for fun on a Saturday night. It was deeper than that; he was deeper than that. He had intelligent thoughts, emotions, ambitions. I gathered all this from a simple stare; because I knew that stare. I had known that stare as my own, and at that moment, I felt like I knew him better than I ever had before.
Fast forward a year later, and my instincts were right. The guy I connected with from a simple blank stare into a fire pit is my one and only. He is my happy. There is nothing I would change about him. Everything he is complements me in every way possible. There is never a day that goes by where I don’t think about him, past, present, and future. That’s the best part: future. Such an enticing word, such an exciting word, with no limitations. I cannot wait for that. I am so in love with someone who means more to me than I ever could have imagined. He is my other half. He is my rock. He is my lover.
He is my best friend.
Love you more. <3