Contradictions and Redundancies

Hey, will you hold this?

Well, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote in this thing. And I have decided that I want to take full advantage of having this blog so that someday I can go back and relive certain memories. Here we go!

As most everyone I encounter on a daily basis (and lots others I do not, thanks to Facebook) already know, I am recently engaged. YAY! But what most people do not know, is how this happened. While some people like to keep that story private, I want to share it with anyone who cares to listen since I think it was perfect! Let me first state that I had a bucket list of things to do before I graduated college. On that list, I wanted to lay on the 50 yard line of the Georgia Southern University football stadium when nobody was there and just lay and look at the stars. I had been talking about this ever since Zachary and I started dating, but never did it before I graduated. I thought I never would…

It was Friday, March 23, 2012 and I was in Statesboro visiting Zachary for the weekend. Our anniversary was coming up so I figured we would go to a nice dinner to celebrate while I was there, so I brought a pretty dress to wear. As the time got closer to go to dinner, Zachary said to me that his ROTC buddy was up at the football stadium and the Eagle was doing a flyover to practice for graduation. He said that if I wanted, we could go up there and get our picture taken with the Eagle. I didn’t have a huge interest in going, but I knew he wanted to get his picture taken and it was his last chance since he was graduating, so I agreed to go. I put on my pretty dress since we were going to go to dinner to celebrate our anniversary right after.

On our way to the stadium, I noticed his hands shaking a little bit and thought to myself “that’s weird.” but didn’t really think anything else of it. We pulled into the stadium parking lot and I was just jabbering away, talking his ear off about who knows what, and we started walking into the stadium. The gate was unlocked and we were walking right onto the field. I started looking around for people because nobody was around, and he called “hello?!” and still nobody came. We were right about at the 50 yard line when I looked around the stadium and said “where are they? what’s going on?” As soon as the words were coming out of my mouth, I heard Zachary say “will you hold this?” and he was holding out his fist. He ALWAYS plays this game with me, where he asks me to hold something and it turns out to be his hand. He did it on our first date and it just stuck as a little inside joke thing between us. Well this time, I was like “oh haha sure” and put my hand under his fist, but there was something actually in his hand this time — a box. When I noticed this, my eyes got huge and I looked at him, now down on one knee, and immediately said “oh my gosh, what are you doing? No you’re not!” He opened the box and I saw the most beautiful ring (from ShaneCo. of course!) and the whole world went in slow motion. He told me how much he loved me and a few other things before asking me to be his wife. I was so happily shocked and surprised that I almost forgot to give him an answer! But, obviously, I said YES!

I was so insanely surprised that he proposed. But so insanely happy, too!! One of the best things about this proposal is that he had one of our friends hiding out taking photographs of the entire proposal. It was wonderful! Now I have that memory in print forever! I love how he had every little thing planned out for this proposal, and I could tell that he was extremely happy it went well! He even talked with the grounds crew at the stadium so it would be unlocked! The boy did not miss one thing! :-)

This was a really long post, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t leave out any details. I am so incredibly excited to be engaged to Zachary. I cannot wait to be with him for the rest of my life!

And not to mention, I can now cross that 50 yard line moment of my college bucket list. Better late than never! :-)

Love is a beautiful thing.

I give him all my love, that’s all I do.

I remember, not long ago, looking up from my blank stare and across from a freshly made fire pit filled with orange flames and crackling wood and seeing a guy sitting on a cooler full of adult beverages wearing his button-down longsleeved Polo shirt. I had known this guy before, even talked to him multiple times before, but this time it was different. His hat, his discolored white Polo hat, that was usually worn backwards, was worn with the bill in front. And he was just sitting there, across from me, staring at the flames in front of him. And I realized, that at least for a second, he and I had been doing the exact same thing. And that at that particular moment in time, we both did not belong nor want to be where we were. I’m pretty sure that in that moment, it was the first time I consciously acknowledged the fact that I liked this guy more than I ever intended to.

I’m not sure if it was the fire, or the country music playing in the background, but my mind was finally clear. For the first time in a long time, I was thinking with a clear mind, and listening to my heart rather than my mind. Because that night, I saw the real person underneath the wild facade I had previously met. He wasn’t just some other crazy college guy who was just looking for fun on a Saturday night. It was deeper than that; he was deeper than that. He had intelligent thoughts, emotions, ambitions. I gathered all this from a simple stare; because I knew that stare. I had known that stare as my own, and at that moment, I felt like I knew him better than I ever had before. 

Fast forward a year later, and my instincts were right. The guy I connected with from a simple blank stare into a fire pit is my one and only. He is my happy. There is nothing I would change about him. Everything he is complements me in every way possible. There is never a day that goes by where I don’t think about him, past, present, and future. That’s the best part: future. Such an enticing word, such an exciting word, with no limitations. I cannot wait for that. I am so in love with someone who means more to me than I ever could have imagined. He is my other half. He is my rock. He is my lover. 

He is my best friend.

—-

Love you more. <3

A Time For Every Purpose

The time has once again come for me to reflect on the year that has passed. This post is a little late, considering the first week of the new year is already over… but I shall have a reflection post nonetheless.

2011 was an interesting year for me. My life changed a good bit in this year. January marked the first time in 6 1/2 years that I was single not in a relationship. At first, this was hard for me to handle. My tears filled the first few weeks of 2011, often at random times and uncontrollably. I was reacting to a completely new experience, and it took a while for my mind to gain composure and clarity. What I didn’t know at the time, though, was that no longer being in a relationship would be one of the best things to happen in my life. For it was because of that experience that I am where I am today. (More on that later).

One of the biggest things to happen in 2011 was my college graduation. I remember that last semester being so hard to focus on my schoolwork because I could taste the finish line. After spring break, my brain had already graduated, and I was completely checked out. But it was one of the most memorable semesters of my entire college career. I am so extremely happy that I got to experience college and graduation with one of my best friends. I will always have the memory of eating sunflower seeds on the football field and leaving the field for a bathroom break, right in the middle of graduation ceremonies. And each time I think of that moment I smile. Simply put, having my best friend with me on that day, and every day, makes life one hundred times more interesting, fun, and bearable. And no matter what anybody says, she and I really will be friends forever.

I am in a completely different place in my life today than I was at this time in 2011. The main reason for that is because of the wonderful man I am in a relationship with. I have heard countless times that everything happens for a reason, and I never truly believed that until I met him. And to him, I say this: babe, you came into my life at a time when I most needed you. I never would have thought that you and I would end up together, but sometimes life surprises you. You reminded me that I am worth being treated with respect, and you never cease to do so. You made me laugh when I most needed to just let go and laugh like crazy (and you continue to make me laugh daily). Most importantly, though, you reminded me that I should always be myself, and that I should not change for anybody; that I am perfectly imperfect the way I am. For that, I am most grateful. I love you more than you can ever imagine, and I cannot wait for our future.

As for 2012, I don’t have any resolution. If I could wish for one thing, though, it would be to find a full-time, salaried job. I have looked so hard for one, and I have hope that 2012 will be my year. I have so much to look forward to in the upcoming months. In roughly 7 weeks, I will be an Aunt to the most wonderful niece in the world (obviously). I cannot be more excited!! I will celebrate the first of many anniversaries with my lover! My amazing boyfriend will commission as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army (love a man in uniform!), as well as graduate from college. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get that job I’ve been searching for and be able to move out and begin my life as a grown up.

So, that’s it. Another year gone, a new one begins.

2012 is my year. Let it begin. :)

Day 9 — Your current relationship status and how happy you are about it.

I am very happily taken. 

And I am extremely happy about it. I haven’t been this happy in a really long time, and it feels amazing. I love my boyfriend more than he will ever know and I cannot wait to have a future with him. :)